Cauliflower Mac and CheeseĀ 

1 pre-washed and chopped 2lb bag of cauliflower from Costco 

1 box of Annie’s organic Mac n cheese shells 

3 inches of water in the pot

3 inches of milk in the pot

Cheese, butter and salt to finish 

Put pot on high because you’re in a hurry, dump in macaroni and then cauliflower, cover it and walk away. When you smell burned cauliflower milk (believe me you will smell it, even upstairs) that means it’s boiled over and is all over your stove and kitchen counters.  

Taste the food to see if it’s cooked. If the macaroni is done and the cauliflower is soft enough to mash, squish it up with a whisk, the only clean utensil in the house. Try not to squish the macaroni, because that will be gross. Throw in the packet of cheese sauce, a hunk of butter, a pinch of salt and grate up a hunk of whatever cheese you have in the house. Don’t be chintzy with the cheese. Season it if you are not serving to small people who think pepper is spicy. 

Serve to small people who put fat arms around your neck and tell you you’re the “best cook” then proceed to try to shovel the gooey cheese mess into their face with the same fat arms despite you having washed them clean forks.

Wipe the boiled starchy cauliflower milk water up with paper towels. Wonder how the hell you are going to get the burnt on  mess off your glass cooktop. Dump a whole bunch of vinegar onto the stove and go sit on the couch to eat delicious Mac n cheese and play on Facebook. Don’t forget to take a pic of your mess for posterity. Pretend it just happened when your husband comes home 30 minutes later.